Thinking back on school, all of my most vivid memories seem to focus around a crush of some sort. For everyone else in school, it seemed easy for them to go up and talked to the boy they liked and ask them out. For me, it was different. Up until middle or high school, I was extremely shy. I don’t know if it was because I felt self conscious because of my glasses or if I really was just a quiet person, but it was hard for me to talk to people. I always had a couple of good friends that I relied on to make me happy, and that was all I needed. When it came to boys, however, my best friends were always the ones making trouble for me.
My first boy memory was in kindergarten. Brendan Kassel was playing with this girl Rachel Toby and me at recess. We had this fake life-size house in our room, and we were all playing house. For some reason, Brendan decided he wanted a girlfriend. He couldn’t decide if he wanted me or Rachel, so he played a game to give us both equal chance: eenie meenie miney mo. He went back and forth between us as the choosing game progressed. I was extremely nervous; I don’t think I breathed the whole time. When his finger finally landed on me, a huge smile escaped my face; I had a boyfriend. Now, it’s not like anything happened. We never held hands, he never kissed my cheek, and I never introduced him to Mom and Dad, but just the fact that I was chosen to be someone’s girlfriend made my day.
My next boy experience wasn’t as nice and pleasant. It was second grade, and my best friend was Diana Mewes. I told her everything, and so did she. Ever since first grade I had had the biggest crush on a boy named Cody Grable. He had sandy blonde hair, and he was the cutest boy I had ever seen. Of course, being my best friend, I told Diane that. Bad idea. We were sitting on the swings during recess, and Cody comes up on the other side to play. Diane, not being a good secret keeper, says “Hey Cody! Katelyn’s in love with you and wants you to be her boyfriend!” Then what does she do? She runs, leaving me there, shocked, with the man of my dreams sitting there. What does he say? Not a single word. Nothing. Mortified, I ran to the slide to cry.
I forgave Diane instantly, because it wasn’t like me to get mad, but that day stuck with me for years, up until high school I think. I couldn’t even look at Cody in class. When he would be within two feet of me I would hang my head in embarrassment, hoping he wouldn’t see me. If I hadn’t liked him so much, it wouldn’t have been a big deal. But my crush on Cody Grable lasted until 6th grade. To be honest, I think it was events like that that made me so self-conscious and shy in school. I thought the worst thing in the world was to be rejected, so I just didn’t put myself out there. Looking back, I feel stupid for letting such a silly thing get to me, but in all honesty, that one day on the swings will always stick with me.
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