High school is all about classifications, right? I mean, if you yourself don’t have a title by sophomore year, you just won’t survive high school, simple as that. It’s almost entertaining to just sit in a high school lunchroom and look around at the different tables, each one with their different “title”. Whether you were a “Band Freak”, a “Football Douchebag” or a “Theatre Loudmouth”, almost everyone belonged to a certain group in their good ole high school years.
Let’s start with my favorite group, the “Football Douchebags”. I went to a high school that was 100% focused on football. Our team went to State twice…and won, twice. The teachers adored the football players. I would go up to my teachers to ask for help on homework, and I would have to wait minutes while the teacher had a long conversation with a football player about the game they played that Friday night. Whenever she finally realized that I was standing there needing help, she would aimlessly direct me to a page number and return to her idolizing conversation with the hunky football guy. Of course, these “Football Douchebags” were something else. They always had this attitude about them that they were “the shit”. They got out of homework assignments, got all of the attention of both teachers, students, and even the principal, and they always dated the hot girls, of course. That’s all great and all, but whenever you’re as dumb as a box of rocks, AND you are conceited and egocentric, I am not going to like you. To top it all off, our football program got all of our money, while things like our journalism classes, art classes, and speech programs got little to nothing. Needless to say, I now hate football.
What goes along great with our “Football Douchbags”? Why, our “Slutty ‘I’m so dumb’ Cheerleaders”! Like the football players, our teachers and faculty adored our cheerleaders. They walked with confidence in our hallways because they knew all the girls wanted to be them. As soon as someone joined the cheerleading team, they dyed their hair blonde. They wore their short little skirts, flirted loudly with cute boys next to my desk so as to disrupt my education, and then turned around and daily asked to copy my homework. We would all hear stories about their weekend parties where they got so drunk and had sex with a random guy on top of their mother’s Corvettes. Cheerleaders at my school were so classy. Maybe I am just bitter because I didn’t make the cheer team in the 6th grade because I didn’t have “the look” for it, but I sure did hate those cheerleaders. I might have hated them almost as much as I hated the football players, but not quite.
Next we had our “Theatre Loudmouths”. This group belonged to the kids that used to have nothing to call themselves. These were the kids that never had a group before and found their place in theatre. After they acted in their first production, the “Theatre Loudmouth” came alive. Suddenly, they went from being the shy kids to being the kids always told to be quiet in the lunchroom. They gossiped constantly, and usually only dated and hung out with people that starred in the same plays. They were overly dramatic, and you could always tell who was a theatre kid and who wasn’t just by listening to them talk. While they were most certainly annoying, I was glad that my fellow classmates found a place where they belonged.
“Gangstaaas” were another big group in our high school. You would think that this group would consist of only African Americans, but at our school, it wasn’t. The “Gangstaaas” consisted of both black and white kids that wore baggy clothes, big colorful shoes, and talked like they didn’t know how to form sentences properly. They were always so loud, and you could spot them coming. This group revolved around laughter. They loved making jokes about other people’s “mommas” and picking on each other. Whenever they laughed, they cupped their hands over their mouths and yelled “OOOOHHHHH!” before going into a fit of laughter and stomping. This was always the group that was most fun to watch. They were some funny kids.
The “Mary Janes” accounted for a pretty good portion of our class. These were the kids that...well, loved pot. I had a couple friends in this group, and they were interesting. They usually talked about pot a lot. How much they smoked last night, when they are going to smoke again, and what they did “that one time” they were so blown. In art class, instead of painting pictures of landscapes, they were drawing mushrooms. Instead of making cute friendship bracelets, they were making hemp. While I never agreed with their lifestyle, I always thought that the “Mary Janes” were the easiest to get along with. They were always so calm and happy and optimistic. Sadly, most of the “Mary Janes” of my grade have yet to go on and be more. They are still stuck at their parents, smoking pot in the basement with their friends.
“Scenie Weenies” is what my group of friends were called. During high school, we all went to local music venues to hear the local bands play. We all wore skinny jeans before they became fashionable. We wore bright colors, Chucks, and we often put random color streaks in our hair. We gauged our ears and pierced our noses. We were made fun of relentlessly until we all decided to just give it up and retire our “scene” lifestyles.
Lastly, there were the “Band Geeks”. Every high school had these. They all had one instrument they had played since grade school that they carried around with them everywhere. They were all very proud of their band accomplishments. They competed in music competitions and smiled proudly when they won their ribbons. “Band Geeks” were either whores or goody-goody. These were usually your good students as well.
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